A Viable Team Comp
by kingodirony12
Summary: So Hokage-Sama you want to give me a team...Ok sure that's all fine and dandy, but why, oh god why! would you give me with a brother complex is half the wrong ways, a eating habit that would make a obese chef wince, and a fangirl who doesn't have any concept of measured reactions!...By how much did you just say my pay getting increased?
1. In Which Kakashi Hates His Job

"Interestingly enough as a shinobi you are in fact NOT aloud to "Wing it." "We are a well respected, well known, and well trained, and foremost well paid military force with a heavy bases on murder, territorial rivalry, extortion, theft, political sabotage, and swarming the poor fucks who decide to hire untrained mercenaries over our far superior services." "Oh sure we will once in a while do a little good, end a war that spans decades, help some old women with her groceries i don't care because hell...sometimes good just pays better."

The three young Genin on the roof stared at their newly anointed Sensei. The odd change between the lazy attitude the man boasted when they first met in the academy classroom to the sudden severe annoyance that he now portrayed, was as shocking as it was sudden.

The speaker was a man of 27 years of age he had a shock of silver hair and a mask covering the bottom half of his face and with a Konoha headband worn crooked covering one of his dark eyes. He wore the standard procedure military gear of a Konoha shinobi that being a green flack sleeveless jacket, black pants, sandals, and a navy long sleeve undershirt.

Not giving them time to react to this astonishing change in character, the silver haired man continued with his passionate rant. " There was another group of young expectant Shinobi who decided to take an alternate, nonviolent route, and join our over paid, over privileged, brothers and sisters in the Administration office. They get a PowerPoint presentation and cookies for their introduction into the corps." "And if there is one thing I should teach you before you go down this career path is that in this cold bitch of a universe you don't get a damn easy way out."

Clearing his throat the speaker continued "now that we got that out of the way why don't we get to know each other. Introduce yourselves tell me your name, likes and dislikes, personal goals, and skill set."

Still somewhat befuddled the only female of the group slowly raised her hand. She had striking and unusual bubblegum pink hair paired with just as unusual emerald eyes , she wore a red Chinese style dress, bike shorts and shinobi sandals. Crowning her outfit was her metal plated headband with a leaf design representing her status as a Kanoha Shinobi.

"Um sensei shouldn't you go first to give us a proper demonstration on what to do" she asks tentatively?

Sighing in annoyance the aforementioned sensei condescendingly sneered "Oh fine I didn't think I would need to teach you the all-powerful ninja art of the common human interaction but for the sake of my job I will comply." Face turning red the girl was about to shout her rage only to be interrupted by the sarcastic man. "My name is Kakashi Hatake, i am an elite Jonin of Kanoha, my likes include shinobi who can do there damn job properly without killing themselves. My dislikes are ninja who endanger and/or humiliate there team and the Leaf while simultaneously fucking up the mission. My future life goals include living another day and the nice 16oz bottle of Brisbury Champaign on my night desk, moving on." Kakashi points his finger at the girl "Understand now? Good cause it's your turn now girl."

Smoothing down her dress the girl spoke. "My name is Sakura Haruno i like...somebody." Glancing at a boy with dark hair Sakura blushes and continues her introduction." "My plans for the future..." once again Sakura flirtatiously glances at the dark haired boy. "and might i inquire on to your all important dislikes girl?" Kakashi asks sarcastically." Sakura scowled "Naruto" she States emphatically. The blond haired boys shoulders dropped in depression. Haughtily sniffing Sakura sat back down "you" Kakashi pointed at the blonde-haired boy sitting to the right hand side of Sakura "With the Great fashion sense introduce yourself."

The blonde haired boy in question had an odd outfit he wore he wore a bright orange and blue jumpsuit as well as the traditional Leaf headband and sandals he had blonde hair and blue eyes.

Seeming to have Shrugged off his depression the boy grinned and jovially and announced in a loud tone "my name is Naruto Uzumaki I like ramen and I hate the three minutes it takes to cook ramen and my goal is to one day become the Hokage!" Kakashi massaged his temples this ones going to be a loud one, "Well that was a straightforward introduction unpleasant, unoriginal, and overall annoying, but straightforward. Frowning Naruto sat back down.

Gesturing to the boy with black hair Kakashi told him to start his introduction snorting the dark-haired boy stood up he wore a High collared dark blue shirt, white shorts, and Shinobi sandals. he had black hair, and black eyes, and if you asked Kakashi a black empty place in his head. Snorting the boy began his introduction "My name is Sasuke Uchiha I have very few like and many dislikes my goal for the future is to... kill a certain man." Internally groaning at the rather negative prospect that was his team Kakashi stood up from his spot on the roof.

Clapping his hands he called for their attention. "Okay kids now that we have that out of the way why don't I tell you another little truth you have in fact not graduated the academy yet." All 3 kids immediately stiffened at the information that was harshly being fed to them. "But sensei" Sakura yelled "We have already passed the exam shouldn't we be done with our Academy years?" That's my dear little prospective student is only half true.

"What did you think we're actually going to send you out into the field with only a few easy to counter Jutsu a sub par taijutsu style and a few bits of knowledge?" fidgeting slightly Sakura averted her gaze "well the academy said" No Kakashi interrupted ignoring her "That would be a terrible idea the chances of you being in the same mentality as well trained killer is 0, and then you're fighting this enemy Shinobi who have decades of work in the field and before you know it...or I can file a document for a new recruit that was killed in action on their first mission you'd be dead and I have to pick out what other little meat Shield would take your place."

The three possible leaf ninja had differentiating reactions to Kakashi's statement Sakura seem to be appalled. Naruto had a look of both shock and confusion. while Sasuke had who was trying to feign and look of indifference, and failing had a look of someone who was trying to desperately analyze the situation.

"Wait Sensei" Naruto tried to object. "Tomorrow your actual test begins" Kakashi continued. "Don't bother to eat breakfast because you throw it up anyway also I should mention if you fail this test you're going straight back to the academy this time with the addition of some extra remedial classes good luck." He sang out as he teleported away leaving his confused might be students behind questioning what will come tomorrow.


	2. In Which Issues are Discussed In Detail

"Absolutely amazing".

Kakashi looked at the small pile of bodies that were his students to be. Personally he wasn't particularly inclined to pass any of them buy their own merits. But in the end it wasn't his choice.

"It's amazing really I was right at every turn, no deviations"

Shaking his head Kakashi could only look at the unconscious formes of his students in despair.

"fucking politics".

 **(Flashback a day earlier in the Hokage's office)**

"Kakashi, I'm sure you know why I called you here".

Hiruzen Sarutobi the third Hokage, master of 1000 jutsus, the Professor of Konoha, the Mentor of Legends, and high commander of the entirety of Konoha's military forces. His elderly appearance, and gentle smile was misleading ruse. The man was a true legend and arguably the most experienced, powerful, and merciless, people in existence.

"Is this about that kid who just made chunin and thought that he was hot shit because he achieved the median of strength for a shinobi of Konoha"? "If so I would like to just throw it out there that he was the genius who thought that he could tango with a Jonin multiple years is senior, and not come out with a few broken bones".

"Him?" "oh no no not that...at this point we just consider you beating the cockiness out of the newly anointed Chunin as initiation". "No I called you here to discuss those three students that you're supposed to test tomorrow."

Kakashi snapped his fingers in a "I remember" sort of way. "Oh them, completely hopeless, those three have no idea what they're doing".

"The Uchiha boy shows potential but he's too prideful to work on a team...also I want him checked by psychologist that boy is to blood thirsty for his own good, or anyone else's". "He would die on his first mission by underestimating his opponent, yes he may learn from his mistake but it's just as likely he will die from his mistake".

"The orange one is a headstrong idiot. "In theory he could make a good saboteur, what with how good he is at sneaking around and defacing public property, but he lacks the subtlety and depth required for such a task". he'll get himself killed on his first mission outside the village by breaking from the plan, and charging into a full team of C to B ranked shinobi head first like a blind pig".

Throughout his analisis Kakashi's tone became more and more annoyed, this wasn't the first time he'd tested a group of Genin fresh from the academy. They always had the same quirks when leaving the inviting gates of the academy, arrogance, overconfidence and...

"Useless the girl is not only annoying, but also the textbook definition of deadweight". "She has chakra control and book smarts but nothing else, I don't deal In dead weight or students who won't pull their own weight". "In all likelihood she'll just get herself killed the second her team engages, she herself has no fighting skills to speak of this no way to defend herself and I don't see her putting any effort into gaining them".

Taking a long drag on his pipe Hiruzen Gave Kakashi a long look. "So...you seem to be confident as to how this team will play out". "you haven't even tested them yet".

It took all of Kakashi's self control not to snort in derision. "Trust me Hokage-Sama i've been working in this field for a while now and let me tell you I know stupid, I have worked with stupid, stupid teammates, stupid enemies, and the administrations office". "Stupid is all around, stupid never changes, and those 3 children are not exactly the paragon of intelligence".

"So what your saying is you don't believe that they will be at all useful as ninjas of the village".

"Not even a little bit If anything they'll be a hindrance to anyone their working with". "Remember that one idiot who thought it would be smart to learn how to use a weapon and that weapon was a goddamn scythe?"

"Which idiot".

"The one who didn't know how to use god damn scythe, what was her excuse again"? "It looked cool so I thought I should learn how to use one and sensei said the best lessons you would ever learn would be on the battlefield". "Yes I'm sure he would be Very proud of you for taking his lessons to heart...his was ripped out because he had to focus on protecting your while you were "learning" how to use a goddamn scythe".

The Hokage cleared his throat in an attempt to regain control of the discussion. "Be that as it may, do you really think there's no hope for these three to be even a little bit decent at being a Shinobi".

Kakashi couldn't hold himself back this time, he scoffed, "Maybe if Kami-Sama himself comes down from the heavens and shoves liquified reality and logic up their prepubescent asses, then maybe just maybe they'll make it to chunin".

Smiling humorlessly the Hokage handed the one-eyed man a stack of papers.

"Well then...glory be unto you."

 **(Flashback Ends)**

Sighing in annoyance Kakashi grabbed a bucket of water and splashed it onto his new students. This resulted in the desired effect of the three kids waking up sopping wet, cold, and with water (carefully aimed) up their noses.

He knew he shouldn't be so hard on them after the beating he gave them...but it was just so hard to show them any sympathy. They completely failed the bell test and missed the lesson the bell test was supposed to teach. It was simple grab the bells from his belt by any means necessary 2 bells for 3 students, one students guaranteed to fail, but that was another important lesson hidden in the test, it's better for 2 to succeed and 1 to fail rather than all 3 failing. Of course he would still of passed all 3 of them so he could have a complete team Konoha, was after all quite famous for its teamwork.

"What the hell Kakashi sensei"!

Oh dear the orange one was opening its mouth again. During the test the boy showed zero tact while the other two had enough brain cells to find the cover, this one decide to charge in head first, the only moderately surprising thing about him, was that he somehow knew the "Shadow Clone Jutsu", a powerful B ranked Jutsu that allowed the user to create solid clones. Seven even just one clone with this technique basically doubles the amount of damage that you can deal and increases the amount of ground one could cover at a time. One of the most practical techniques that could be used with deadly effectiveness by any competent shinobi.

So why in the cold lakes of hell did he think it would be a good idea to rush the stronger and more experienced Shinobi. there wasn't even any real technique behind his attacks, he just flew at him expecting his fascinatingly stupid strategy to work...it didn't...also the boy got stuck in two basic rope traps consecutively which is just embarrassing.

Shaking his head in disgust Kakashi glanced at the Uchiha boy who was at this time wringing out his shirt of the water kakashi splashed on him. He was at least competent in battle strategy, but strategy meant dick if you couldn't apply it correctly. The boy wasn't even that bad at first, he was using ranged attacks, traps, and was even studying Kakashi's attack patterns so he could formulate a counter-plan. The boy was doing fine until he actually engaged Kakashi.

Now engagement with the enemy is inevitable in this kind of situation, and he did try other strategies before full on engagement so Kakashi couldn't fault him on that like he could fault the orange one. No he performed adequate at long ranged planning, but the problems we're clear 3 seconds after hand to hand combat was established. This boy was absolutely abysmal at logical thinking and problem solving during the heat of battle. he tried using a bastardized form of the Uchiha"Interceptor fist" as his Taijutsu of choice, a very bastardized version. It was to...by the books every movement, every combo was something Kakashi has seen in the past. Also there were no deviations or changes to fit sasuke's body type, and size. This not only made him predictable but also sloppy very sloppy. The techniques showcased in any Taijutsu Scroll was designed for someone who was already at full maturity, also techniques were supposed to be changed adapted to keep opponents on their toes. So for someone so much smaller to imitate the movements of a fully grown adult in such a manner looked made them look less like a competent fighter and more like, well...a young boy trying to imitate his brother.

Besides that there were other missteps like his Fireball technique. Its channel time before the attack was far too long, like 4 seconds to long. This may not seem like a lot, but in battle this is an eternity. In this short amount of time your opponent will easily be able to see what you're about to do and formulate a counter-attack, possibly before the channel even ends. It was very easy to predict what he was about to do, clearly self taught, clearly not utilised correctly, and clearly not combat ready.

"Sasuke-Kun are you okay"?

Oh yes, the girl. Kakashi couldn't tell you how well the girl would have fared because a E ranked Genjutsu was all it took to shut her down. She failed before she could even do anything.

Clapping his hands so to get attention from his students Kakashi smiled brightly. "Well kideos I have good news and bad news".

Looking nervous the girl raised her hand. (he supposed he should start remembering their names if this was going to be a long term deal).

"Can we start with the good news".

Smiling even wider Kakashi obliged. "Of course, you passed"!

This information caused the orange one to jump and whoop in excitement and the girl to sigh in relief. The Uchiha however looked pensive.

"Well at least someone remembered there's a bad news to all this" Kakashi muttered to himself.

Kakashi let's all pleasantness fall from his face, "Because we need replacements for all the teams we've been losing as of late". Immediately the orange one and the girl stopped their festivities and the Uchiha became even more tense.

"...wh, what".

Oh he seemed to have disturbed them with this information...that's alright they'd get used to it eventually.

"It's as I said we've been losing a lot teams lately, in both a literal sense and in a...well in a we found there dead corpses sense or at least parts of em".

Kakashi paused and looked his team directly in their faces, their horrified, scared faces...they were only 12. Shaking his head to free his thoughts of sympathy kakashi continued, they needed to know this.

"9 to be exact, 9 teams thats 4 shinobi per team, thats 36 shinobi in counting who have been completely terminated, the method of how they were done in is currently up for debate as there are just too many missing pieces of the corpse to do a full autopsy, all we can really confirm is who they were before time of death".

Continuing Kakashi made sure to keep eye contact with his team, it was important for them to know that he was serious.

"Other then that the corpse of a few shinobi were missing almost completely, we have confirmed that all of those people were dragged of were people who either had a Kenki Gekai or were B ranked or higher in the bingo book". "There bodys were completely missing from the scene, except for their blood, a lot of their blood to much blood for them to survive".

The girl tried to raise her hand again, he ignored it, it was best for them to learn what they needed to learn in one go. After all there could be no room for hand holding.

"We still don't know who the perpetrator or perpetrators are, or what there after, or why their collecting the bodys of powerful and exotic shinobi". "Whatever the reason their actions are putting a large dent into our military forces". "This leads to a whole bunch of socio economic issues, less shinobi means less money for the village, less money leads to more harsh taxation, which leads to companies taking their business elsewhere, which leads to a monetary crises".

Looking more intently at the new team he was unwillingly forced to have Kakashi continued his lecture. "It will take even more shinobi and resources to investigate and solve what's going on, which is even less money for our village and thus the hokage and the council have come to a decision."

Okay they seem to know where this is going, good that means there listening they can learn.

"They have decided to relax on the requirements of becoming a full fledged shinobi of the village for the sake of revitalising our numbers".

Looking pointedly at the kids that were now his responsibility Kakashi dropped the full truth onto them. "If this decision was even a day later none of you would have passed this test, your performance today was atrocious one of the worst, most unbalanced displays i've ever seen, currently your less shinobi and more replacements".

"As it is you're not ready for true shinobi missions yet so tomorrow at 4:00 am sharp you will meet me at training field 21 for initial training". "You will not be late I expect you to put your all into this job because if you don't you will not live to see the next year".

...Hmmm the blond one is experiencing culture shock, did he not know what shinobi life is like? Oh dear the girls about to vomit...she can't, just dry heaves, she hasn't eaten since yesterday, well at least she can takes orders well. Huh the Uchiha...PTSD, that's going to be a problem later when he sees the aftermath of a battle, were going to have to desensitize him. We have too much empathy when we first go in.

Putting an end to his ridicule Kakashi delivered them the last bit of information they needed to know. He clapped his hands to regain their attention.

"This information is of course classified to the civilian population we can't have them think we shinobi are weak, breach of secrecy will be dealt with harsh accordance".

Standing up kakashi looked down at them.

"4:00 am tomorrow are we clear".

They nodded, no grunts from the uchiha, no verbose bouts of noise from the orange one, and no shrieks of indignation from the girl, just nod's of confirmation. What could they say.

Turning away from the horrified now shinobi Kakashi prepared to Suishin away before remembering something else of importance.

Looking back with a wry smile kakashi spoke his last words of the day to his students.

"Oh and welcome to the corps".

 **(The Hokage's Office)**

Hiruzen sarutobi looked down at the paper on his desk with the names and data of Naruto, Sasuke and, Sakura. Under their names were the words, MDN, SKIRMISHER, and Defender, written in a stylistic almost waxy font, followed by the sentence the sentence TO BE MOLDED.

Puffing his pipe the old man reminded himself that the option to become a shinobi was a choice, at any opportunity throughout the last 6 years they could have dropped the program and lived as civilians.

"Yes their choice".

Always remind yourself that it wasn't your fault, how could it be. It was their choice to become shinobi not yours. Never mind naruto had nowhere else to go but the ninja program, nevermind that you allowed sasuke into the program without giving him any of the mandatory psychiatric tests everyone else got, never mind you intentionally designed the academy course to leave out the harsher aspects of shinobi life, and never mind that only 14% of all Genin make to 16 years of age. Yes it was their choice and now they were shinobi of the leaf, shinobi to make their village proud, shinobi lead by example, shinobi to defend their home with their blood and their sweat...shinobi that now knew highly classified information.

"There is no turning back now".

Sarutobi signed the papers, team 7 was now officially registered.


End file.
